Follow Up

We had our follow up call with our RE today...man I really like him! Anyway, he of coarse is still confident that this can work for us, but even more so that our 2 frozen embies are of the highest quality and are hatching blasts! So, this is great news! Praise God for good news, it comes at the best time, where bad news would really give me doubt and loss of hope.

I believe our transfer will be in the beginning of October. He wants me to go down again for an u/s and make sure there are no polyps or anything affecting implantation and when he pulls out the catheter (with die for the uterus) he's going to remove a little bit of tissue which can help implant embies in the future. He said it was painless and the whole thing will take less than 5 minutes! I need to travel down there and back (which will be 5 hours of driving) for 5 minutes...but it's worth it.

He says he's throwing the book at me this time and he knows who we are (by face) and it's no longer business between us, it's personal and he wants us to get pg. I thought that was really thoughtful to say! It's funny, I've seen him maybe 6-7 times and he KNOWS us, where I did 7 IUI's and 3 ivf monitoring cycles with my OB, and he STILL doesn't know who I am!! My ob's like, is this the first time your doing ivf...I'm like NO, this is the 3rd...and I don't think there are more than a few couples at most going through ivf in the office...hmmmm....

Anyway, here's to the final of finals...the last chance shot that will hopefully make it before the buzzer!

Our hope is not gone

So, here we are, after 3 failed fresh attempts. I never thought it would come to this. In a weird way, the 3rd fail was easier to take than the first 2. I don't know if I'm just immune to failing, or if it was just God's cycle, and out of my control anyway...I'm hoping it's the latter. BUT, one thing that honestly never crossed my mind was that this attempt would fail and we would still have ONE more chance! HA! My dh said before we knew the results that he was excited to find out, we'd be hearing from God what direction he may be leading us. God sure made this one easy, we have one final round! I feel blessed by this opportunity.

I wonder why did God choose us to have two left to freeze? Is it so we can experience a frozen cycle...so we can get more bang for our buck...or he chose these two to be our extreme stretch of faith, our bonus round when we thought we were done...our blessings that we will get to hold on this side of heaven.

We may never know these answers, but again, we need to just lay these 2 beautiful blessings at their Creator's feet, and trust Him with the outcome.

Negative

We're crushed. I thought this was it, but my message told me to start b/c on day 3 already. I asked dh if we ever recieved our update via mail telling us if any were frozen. He did, and hid the letter. I told him before that it was too hard to see that none made it. So we went and opened it and 2 were frozen...so I guess we're moving on to a fet. Thanks for all your prayers!

Take time to read your own shirt!

Last night I again was starting to get some butterflies about the upcoming blood draws. Unfortunately, this is one area that I have been through and I can compare cycle to cycle on. All I know is failure. BUT, in my heart of hearts, I still believe our God is going to bless us with a positive. So, I have this battle going on in my head...I guess you could say it's a spiritual battle over belief and faith. I am trying my HARDEST to stay focused on God and nothing else.

So, as I was going through a struggle last night, God spoke to me...through my t-shirt! HA! I've had this shirt for like 3 years. I wear it all the time. It's from a youth retreat at church where we were leaders at this event.

Side note, last year I did a woman's Bible study on Daniel from Beth Moore (amazing I might add.) I really felt called to the story of the three men (no, I can't spell their names off hand) who were going to be thrown in the fiery furnace. They believed God could deliver them from the furnace, and even if he didn't they would still only serve God. This story I feel relates to what I'm going through. IF is my fiery furnace. So my motto has been this last cycle, God has the power to deliver me from this fiery furnace (IF). But even if he doesn't, I will serve HIM.

Back to my story...I was getting ready for bed and I took of my t-shirt and looked at it. It says "Consuming Fire" on top with a cool looking cross with flames on the bottom. Then there's a verse...and I actually set down my shirt, then caught a glance at one of the words and was like WHAT! Here's what is says

If we are thrown into the blazing furnace the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us. Daniel 3:17

That's my verse! HA! I've been praying this verse for months and all along it was on my t-shirt and I didn't even know it!!!! That was an amazing God moment for me, he knew I needed that...how funny to think that God can even use our t-shirts to speak to us! I wore it today to my blood draw, and I felt AMAZING peace afterwards. It's in God's hands.

Patience

Patience is never something I was good at. I know it is a gift of the spirit, but honestly, most of the time I choose not to have it! So, we are coming around the bend to our beta's this week. I'm getting butterflies in my stomach. I have confidence, but I also feel I'm being tempted to be fearful. God has been SO amazing this cycle, and has made this unlike any that I've had, so I have nothing to compare it to. This is a blessing. I don't think I have any symptoms. I'm on so much Progesterone and Estrace, that I don't think I could tell them apart anyway.

My husband is amazing. He has been VERY confident, and has been so positive about this cycle, and making sure I know how he feels about it. He (and I) have seen the crazy awesome things God has done (over the last 3 cycles, even more specifically with this last one) and how he has led us here, that we have absolutely no reason to not believe he will bless us with a pg. We have no reason to doubt him. He has shown himself to us in amazing ways the last month, and we believe it's on purpose.

My amazing husband is actually planning a date night for the night we find out together. Dave, I love you, thank you for being a constant reminder of God's love for me. Thank you for your vocal confidence and your advice to help me stay strong this week (get into His Word). I LOVE YOU, and I am excited to celebrate with you!

All snuggled in

Our transfer went great on Monday. I was nervous/excited to hear our fertilization report. Out of the 13, 12 were mature, and 10 fertilized! From what I gathered (I was starting to feel the effects of the Valium) all of these 10 were still doing good. They transferred 2 early blasts, which means they were 35-60 cells. Blasts are 60-100, but from what I hear, they can grow to blasts even within a few hours. Our 2 were graded at a 1.5 out of 4, 1 being excellent. They were going to watch the other 8 to day 6, and if they made it to blast stage and were a 2 or better rating, they would freeze them.

For some reason I was in shock at looking at the numbers. I know God has been incredible during this cycle, but in the past 2 cycles, I had none that made it to day 5! Praise God! My prayers are that God would guide the 2 that are in me to continue to grow and flourish into beautiful babies that would implant and stay put for 9 months and come forth as beautiful healthy children...and the 8 that are NOT in me, that his will for their lives would be accomplished.

Funny side note, we were driving around the night before our transfer and we came to a pretty high end neighborhood. I told Dave, now really, does anyone really need a house that big, unless they have like 10 kids or something! HA!

My doc was very optimistic about this cycle, he seemed very pleased! I am just at peace...shocked that I have 2 embabies inside of me already, and that we will find out in just over a week.

My husband has been amazing. He has been serving me like a princess, and really sacrificing his time after work. Poor guy doesn't get to sit down till after 10! I am off of bed rest today, but I'm still taking it easy. Thank you hon for serving me and loving me so much!!! I pray God blesses you for all you are doing out of love.

I'll leave you with a verse of confidence!

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him."
Jeremiah 17:7