Looking back...

Every New Year my hubby and I each come up with a top 10 list of things that happened in our lives that year.  We read them off to one another, then look back over the last few years lists.  Every year it is so amazing to look back over previous years and see how God has blessed us or changed our lives in such an amazing way! 

As I was looking through my previous posts, starting with January of 2011, trying to remember all that happened this year I found this post http://www.ourgreatanticipation.blogspot.com/2011/01/year-of-packer.html

I read through it and had to laugh!  Here's a few funnies that came to mind when reading this post:

• First off, notice the date...January 25th 2011.  A little too much info...but that was the date AF arrived (little did I know the last time she'd show up for 9 months!)
• I met Dave in 1998 like the post said (last time they went to superbowl)
• Our baby was conceived the night the Packers won the superbowl :) February 2011
• Jadon James was born the day the Packers played the Vikings (big rivalry!!) and won (of coarse!) October 23, 2011. 

Little did I know that this was the year we'd meet our biological baby!  Wow...I just had faith that God would bless us with a baby this year, and he sure did!!

So, it's funny to look back and see that even on January 25, 2011 I felt it was the year of the Packer when little did I know how much that was true.  God does have a sense of humor, and sometimes he ties it in with some major blessings in my life!  It helped me become a Packer fan, that's for sure!!!  Here's some proof (a gift from my Packer Son!)

Pulling out the Cloth!

Jadon's hip appt went great!  He is able to have the brace off during awake times for 6 weeks, then we see if we can be done with it!  While we were there I asked if he could be weighed.  He hadn't been weighed since he was 1 week old!  I was guessing he was 8 lbs.  We figured I could finally use my moby since he weighed that much.  Well, we were off...by 3 lbs!!  My little chunker munker weighs 11 lbs at 8 weeks!  He is healthy!!  So once I found this out and saw his cute chunky thighs, I figured it was time to see how the cloth would work!  CUTE!  The snaps are a little harder with a hungry baby, but honestly I'd say it takes just as long as a disposable that we were making sure were tight enough!  So, during the day we are using cloth.  When I go out, I will use disposables.  I figured it's best to start saving some money now since we are giving him formula.  I'm very happy with them so far and look forward to being able to use them long term (and hanging them outside on the clothsline...how cute!)

Christmas 2011

We had a wonderful Christmas this year!  Jadon brought so much joy to everyone...he was such a good boy!  Everyone kept saying what a good baby he is...yes I am so blessed! 

It's so funny cause you always have this mental picture of what your first Christmas will look like with a baby.  You invision all the cute pics, the gifts wrapped for them, and just the time together.  Now, our Christmas was very memorable, but also I also realized that their is a reality check when having kids.  Pictures don't always get taken cause of nap time or you just plain forget cause you are so busy feeding, changing, etc.  Presents...well he did get a few (thanks to a couple surprises from Daddy) but he's so little it didn't really matter!  Time just flies by with a newborn.  You are tired!  I'm not at all disappointed in how it turned out, but it just helped me come back to reality that what my "perfect" invision of holidays pre-baby are not realistic.  The perfect holiday is the fact that God allowed us to spend it together, with a miracle addition this time! 

Milestones

Jadon is 8 weeks old!  I always was excited to get to this point.  I remember reading in books that between 7 and 9 weeks they can sleep 7-9 hours straight!  I was alllll about getting more sleep if possible!  Here's some things that have been going on!

• 7 weeks Jadon started to smile!!  I LOVE seeing him smile.  His whole face just lights up with his huge open mouth grin!
• He has started to follow you with his eyes which is especially huge with his tortocollis.  Physical therapy has been helping a lot, it's so nice to see results so fast!
• He started to coo and find his voice!  LOVE it! 
• He is drinking anywhere from 4-8 oz from a bottle at a time.  He's getting about 70% of that from me, and the rest formula. 
• We went Christmas light looking with him this last weekend.  It was such a blessing to have our baby in the backseat this year.  Many many years we have gone on these outings and been sad at another year going by without a baby...feeling dreams dashed.  Two yrs ago we talked on and on during our drive about IVF that we just started...last year we talked about adoption...and this year our little miracle slept in the backseat.  God is so good...his timing is perfect.
• 8 weeks Jadon completely surprised us and slept 9.5 hours straight through the night!  Wow!  The most he has ever done has been 6! I was really nervous when I woke up and he was still sleeping.  The fear of SIDS kicked in...but I soon relaxed knowing that God's hand is upon my child. 

We are excited he is almost 2 months old and hasn't gotten the cold/flu that is going around!  This Sunday will be our first bringing him to church.  I really think I'm going to inforce the "look but don't touch" rule.  I really don't need him getting sick.  I know, first time mom...but I want to protect my little guy that I've waited and waited so long for! 

All decked out in Packer Gear

What happened when he heard Green Bay lost!

Trying out the Moby with mom

Wednesday we have his hip appt where he will have an ultrasound to see how his hips are doing.  Excited that we may be able to take the brace off here and there throughout the day as long as things look good.  Ready to have some skin to skin time with my baby again and play with those cute little piggys!  Bath time in the tub will be fun too instead of the sponge baths!

Super Husband, Super Dad

This post is to brag and praise on my husband.  He is so amazing.  First off, he is an unbelievable daddy!  He is so relaxed and seems to just have things under control (unlike mommy who can stress and freak out over little things).  Dave is going to definitely be one of those hands on dads!  Jadon is so lucky to have a daddy who will always have his best interest in mind and will always take time to explain things to him (patience!)

I've been pretty tired lately, and my amazing husband "takes over" when he gets home.  Granted the last couple days Jadon's been napping/sleeping when Dave gets home, but at least I can feel "off the hook".  I find that I need time during the day where I don't feel responsible...weird I know...I'm sure it's just me adjusting.  Then, my hubby takes the next two feedings, one of which falls between midnight and two in the morning.  Bless his soul for trying to give this momma some rest and help out so much!  The last couple days I've felt almost "normal".  It's amazing!  Granted I still go to bed around 8:30, but it's just a season! 

Dave, I love you.  Thank you for serving me and your son in so many ways...you are a great example of husband and loving servant to our son!

Thankful

I am so thankful...sometimes a post doesn't need words...a picture can say it all.

To schedule or not to schedule...

Let me start off by saying I am a very schedule oriented person.  Not to the clock, but I like order...I like to know what is coming next.  So, when Jadon came along, I needed some order!  I read a couple books and I liked that they were flexible scheduling, not based on the clock, but what your baby needs and cues are. 

So, we are blessed to have a great baby who likes a schedule as well, but I find myself wanting to control or alter the schedule to get what I want out of it, if that makes sense.  I'm always looking to tweek it to make it that much better and I normally end up messing up or being wrong. 

For instance, he will normally do a 4-5 hour  and a 3-1/2 hour sleep time at night.  Not bad...but this momma would love to sleep more again (even though I need to wake up to pump) and I noticed that he seemed more awake after feedings at night and fell asleep after some feedings during the day.  SO, I decided to read up on it in a book I have, and they recommended to rob Peter to pay Paul...not allow him to sleep as long during the day so he'd sleep more at night.  Sounds like a great idea, right?!  Well, my poor little guy would be so tired he wouldn't eat his normal amount during the day (or at night) because he was so tired so of coarse at night he didn't sleep as long!  GRRRR.  Why do I do this? 

So, that's it...all the books are out the door.  I'm just going to go off of his cues.  Still keep the flexible schedule but not wake my tired baby to eat so he'll sleep at night.  Just so you know, he was sleeping 1 to 2 hours at a time during the day, so it's not that I wasn't allowing sleep. 

This parent thing helps me realize I know nothing...sometimes you need a little trial and error and sometimes you just need to take in and enjoy all the moments before they are gone (including the night feedings). 

So, little guy is 6 weeks old.  He doesn't sleep through the night yet, but he is a very happy, easy, and content baby.  And for that I am soooo blessed!!

5 weeks!

I can't believe Jadon is 5 weeks already!  He had his 2 week appt for the pavlik brace this week and his hips are looking good!  The brace is doing what it is suppose to, thank goodness!  I did happen to mention that he only sleeps with his head turned to the left and will not allow us to move his head to the right.  She felt his neck muscle and found it to be tight, so we had to have him get x-rays to make sure his neck vertebrae weren't fused together.  Thankfully, they weren't, but our doctor believes he has torticollis.  I guess 20% of babies who have hip displasia have torticollis.  So, little guy will be starting physical therapy for his neck....poor guy!  But, I guess it is common for their heads to mis-shape a bit because of it, and we've seen a little of that on him, so I guess that could knock down two birds with one stone.  One one hand, I'm thinking...man, just another thing added to the plate...but on the other, I'm sooo thankful that he is healthy and this is all he has (plus we caught everything very early, so that helps!)

We're getting a little more comfortable with each others schedule...he's honestly a very very good baby!  We did have to start giving him bottles at each feeding and I'm only nursing one to three times a day.  He's just sooo tired when he nurses, and if he doesn't get a full feeding, he won't sleep, which in turn won't help him eat the next time.  Plus, we had to introduce formula because I can't keep up with his demands for supply.  I cried the first time Dave gave it to him, but I got over it.  At least I know he will eat it and both Dave and I were formula fed and we're both ok.  Plus, I planned on feeding formula when we were looking to adopt and we wouln't have thought anything then!  I just want a happy healthy baby, and if that means some or all formula, then that's what I will do!

Speaking of which, I better go feed the little guy!  This is a pic of Grandma telling him she has to leave...his lower lip was sticking way out!  Too cute!

God knows

God has reaffirmed me over and over in the last couple of days.  It's amazing!  I was so worried about my supply, that we'd have to go on formula by the end of the week (and I'm not saying we may not...but God just helped my anxiety).  I've been pumping between 3 and 5 oz each time!  Praise God!  I was only doing about 2 and knew I couldn't keep up to his needs.  Plus, he's been nursing better...granted it may take an hour (wow) but at least he's not falling asleep all the time!  I'm not nursing at every feeding...depends how the day goes, plus the last evening feeding and the middle of the night feeding is just bottle, we'd all fall asleep nursing then adding the bottle! 

Dave was out of town recently and I was nervous about being alone all night...how would Jadon do??  Well,  I couldn't wake him at 11:30pm, so put him back to bed (this was the last feeding of the day I was trying to get in...we don't wake him during the night.) He woke up at 12:40am and was hungry.  I gave him the bottle and he normally eats it in record time (5-10 minutes!) After 15 minutes I noticed there was still a lot left, but thought he may still be tired...15 more minutes still the same about left!  Now this is at about 1:15 am, so still pretty tired!  I gave him 15 more minutes and burped him, come to find out he barely drank any!  So, I turned the bottle upside down and nothing came out!!  I tried squeezing some out, and nope!  So, my hungry baby sucked on a bottle for 45 minutes and got nothing out!!  I switched the top and he ate all in about 5 minutes!  Man...wish it didn't take me till 2 to feed him that bottle, but at least it was figured out!  We used that top for 2 weeks and never had that problem! 

So, I was like...great, he woke up at 12:40...now he'll be up around 5 for another feed.  I won't get barely any sleep!  Well, God is good, I woke up on my own at 7:11am and was like...wow, he's still sleeping, PRAISE GOD!!!  He got up at 7:45am and had one happy momma! 

I've learned God knows our every need.  He doesn't always answer in a way we want or expect, but he loves us!  I am so thankful our first night together without daddy went well!!

One Month

Wow, does time fly by or what!?  I guess lack of sleep can do that!  But, honestly, we can't complain...Jadon sleeps for about 4 hours straight throughout the night, and that isn't bad!  Here's some updates via bullet points...

• Jadon has a pavlik brace on because they found his right hip dislocated when stressed.  He'll have it on straight for 6 weeks, then only during naps/sleep for another 6 weeks.  He is doing great with it, and we are learning!  Diapering, nursing, and changing onesies under it are a little more challenging, but we are thankful that this brace is an option!
• He's growing!!  I don't know how much he weighs now, but he is filling out and those cute cheeks are popping out!
• Jadon's a little piggy!  We first thought he had a fussy time...but soon realized he was just hungry.  I'm now trying to nurse, then give him a bottle that I pumped.  He normally takes 2-3 oz after nursing!!  We may need to add formula a couple times a day to keep up.
• He is on a nice 3 1/2-4 hour routine throughout the day.  It works great for both of us...we know what to expect and can work our day around it.
• It's fun to see some different personality traits come out once and a while...some remind Dave and I of us and can make us laugh...like his impatience he gets from his momma!!
• He smiles!  I've actually seen some that don't mean he has gas!  It is adorable!
• This mommy thing is harder than I thought!  I am constantly realizing I know nothing, and find myself constantly praying for wisdom.  Thankfully God answers prayers and gives wisdom when needed!
• I find it hard to nap during the day.  I have so much I'm trying to get done while he is napping that I run out of time...oh well. 
• We are waiting another month or so to bring him out to introduce him to people (mainly at church).  First, it's cold and flu season.  Second, I don't want to inturupt his naps.  I know I will have to some day...but for now grandma and grandpa come over to watch him after the first service at church, so I can attend the second...very helpful!!
• Dave and I realized that we need to be better and helping people out when there are life changes.  I didn't have to cook a meal for about 3 weeks cause so many people wanted to help us out.  It was soooo helpful!  Plus we have been bombarted with sooo many gifts, even after his arrival!  It has helped us with some extra things we didn't anticipate needing (like diapers!! One brand he peed through many many times a day...I think we went through 20 diapers in a day!!)

All in all, we are greatly blessed!  I am overwhelmed some times...sometimes I need a break...sometimes my heart just melts holding him in my arms or watching daddy coo over him.  God is good, his strength is enough to carry me through each day when I feel I don't know what I'm doing or am too exhausted.

Jadon's Birth Story

Saturday, the 22nd, I woke up at 2:30am with contractions.  They only lasted about an hour, but they had a pattern.  I fell back to sleep until 6:30am when they started up again.  I started tracking them and finally got up cause I couldn't sleep anymore.  Thankfully the night before Dave downloaded a contraction timer, so all I had to do was click start and stop, and it would calculate the frequency and duration for me!  At 7:30am I woke Dave up to tell him that I was having contractions that were 7-9 minutes apart.  It was kinda surreal!  He slowly got up and got ready for the day. 

From there on until 5pm, the contractions would be anywhere from 4-20 minutes apart...it was frustrating!  I was hoping they would just start getting closer and harder, and we could get the game on the road!  But, God's timing is best!  Anyway, at around 4pm I knew things were progressing.  They started to average 5 min for an hour and they were more uncomfortable!  So, Dave went to take care of the dog and we started to get the bags together to go to the hospital.  Dave called ahead to let them know that we were on our way and requested a private bathroom for me (hey, a girl needs her privacy!!).  We were on our way, and I believe Dave even ran a red light!  It seemed like there was a boat load of traffic and we kept hitting red lights.  But, we made it!  It was humbling riding up there in a wheel chair, but I got over it.  I didn't want to have to walk all that way in the middle of a contraction. 

We checked in and I got in my room around 6pm.  I was checked around 6:30 and I was only at a 1 still but was 95% effaced and they could feel the head!  I took a hot shower and waited and waited.  They were not going to check me till 9:30pm and they said they then would decide if they were going to send me home.  I was like you are not sending me home like this!!!  I got up to use the bathroom before they checked me at 9:30pm and after I started another strong contraction and was leaning on the dresser while Dave massaged my back.  And then it happened...my water broke!  YEAH!  The doc, nurse, and resident were right outside my door trying to decide what to do with me and they came in and said, well, now your staying! 

I started some iv meds then.  I was at a 1.5 only and wanted to wait a while before epidural.  So, throughout the night I went through some lovely contractions till about 4:30am.  The nurse could tell I entered a new phase of pain, so we ordered an epidural...at a 2!  So, 24 hours of labor, and I was only at a 2!  The lovely epidural man came in and did his work, and I started to feel so much better.  They were going to start me on pitocin, when the resident came in and said she had a feeling and needed to do an u/s.  Well, she said she had to grab the doc, and they came back and said, baby is breech!  What a surprise!  They've been telling me they could feel his head for 4 weeks!  So, a c-section it was!  I was off by 6 am and I remember starting to feel some pressure with contractions.  While they were increasing my spinal in the OR, I told them I started to feel contractions again...they didn't quite believe me, but I said I felt them making marks on my stomach.  They waited 10 minutes and then I said, they just pinched me 3 times!  Well, the epidural didn't work, so they had to put me under.  I had so much peace.  God was so near.  I had no fear at all!  Poor Dave though.  He did a great job of capturing the moments I missed out on and spent 2 hours in the nursery with Jadon while I was in recovery.  Jadon was born at 7:03am and I got to meet him just after 9am. 

It's so amazing to see God's hand in this delivery.  The peace, the wisdom, the ability to "try" out labor, and did I mention the peace???  While I was going through contractions the Gathers music kept going through my mind...I've heard their songs a few times but I don't listen to their music regularly...it was so neat how God calmed me down! 

So, this is Jadon's birth story, I would not change a thing.  God is good!

Our miracle has arrived!!

We welcomed Jadon into our family on Sunday, October 23 at 7:03am by an unplanned c-section.
6lb 10.8oz
18.3 in long
Beautiful and healthy, Praise the Lord!!!!

I'll update soon with his birth story!  God is sooo good!

2 Week Wait!

I'm talking a different 2 week wait, I'm 38 weeks, and this is the first 2ww that I've ever looked forward to in my life!  Granted, little guy could come a week late, but I'll forgive him if he decides to give his momma one more week to enjoy being pregnant. 

Dr. appt yesterday went well.  I'm 80% effaced, 1 cm dilated, and his head is low.  I lost a pound at this appt (thinking it could be cause it was a morning appt, not an afternoon) for a total now of 29 lbs.  She said my tummy is measuring on the small side, but thinks its cause I'm tall and his head is so far down.  I also found out I'm Group B negative, which I am thankful for...one less thing to worry about is ok with me!

Little guy is rolly polly, and I love feeling him move around so much!  He loves sweets and evenings...good to know for future reference!  Dave also enjoys watching my belly go to town, this pregnancy has been such a blessing...God is so good. 

We are packed and ready for his arrival.  Emotionally I can now say I am sooo excited for his arrival.  At about 30 weeks, I was more nervous and scared...I really wanted to enjoy this pregnancy, and it seemed it was flying by too fast.  The fear of never getting to experience this again was gripping me.  But, now I can say, God has blessed me with an amazing pregnancy, I'm so thankful that I got this chance, but in all things there is a season.  This season is almost over, but God is allowing us to experience a new season I've also been praying for for 8 years!  I can't worry about tomorrow, whether I'll experience this again or not, I just need to fully enjoy today!

Below are some pics from my last shower that I forgot to post, plus my 38 week shot! 

  

I LOVE my hubby!!

I need to brag on my amazingggg hubby!!!  The poor guy has been working his butt off getting things done around the house for me so I feel "ready".  Plus, he has been cramming his work schedule to make sure he's around for the big day, plus get stuff done for the 2 weeks off he plans on taking...PLUS all the leadership responsibilities he's taken on at church!  This guy needs a break! 

But NO, on Monday he scrubbed the gross shower for me, poured in some draino (gotta love the long pregnancy hair!), and THEN pampered me with painting my toenails!  WHAT A GUY!  He did such an amazing job, honestly WAY better than I ever do.  He said he just did it like he was painting a piece of art...wow.   (All this comes after the weekend where he cooked every meal for me, including having leftovers for Monday's dinner!) 

David, I love you so much, thank you for serving me and your son in so many ways!  You are truly a blessing and are going to be an AMAZING daddy!!!  I LOVE YOU!

38 Week pics and update to follow!

35 week appt.

Yesterday I had my 35 week appt.  I was tested for group B and will find out the results next week....yah, now I go in every week!!  Crazy! When my doc walked in, she's like, "I love your smile.  I love having you as a patient, you're always so happy".  I responded with, "I have a good reason to be happy!"  She agreed.  It's awesome to see how God has opened doors in sharing His miracle and what He's been doing in our lives with others!

I am not dilated yet, but I am definitely thinning...at least 60% she said!  And she laughed as she told me how far down his head is!  She said it is definitely looking good for a vaginal birth. 

We had our church shower last Sunday, and it was such a blessing.  I was tearing up from the beginning, which I knew I would.  These ladies have been praying for me through this journey, and celebrating the miracle that this little guy is.  A great friend, who is like a second mom to me, did a devotional and it was on praying for your son.  She had 10 scripture verses that she handed out to 10 different ladies to read and pray over little guy.  It was SO amazing, and of coarse emotional!  Then, she handed me a small pumpkin (little pumpkin was the theme of the shower) figurine that said "blessings" on it with the prayers rolled up in it!  What a keepsake!  God has blessed me/us so much through these relationships we have built over the last 11 yrs at church! 

I have one more shower this weekend, and then we can start getting ready!  I'm slightly saddened that this will be our "last" shower.  We've been waiting for 8 yrs to have a shower...and now it will be over.  I am so thankful for all the many blessings, and the showers have been sooo special, more than I ever could have imagined.  Below are some pics from the last two showers.

Dave's Family Shower:

Church Shower:

Reflection...

Now you may look at this picture and say "what on earth are we looking at, and why are we reflecting?"  This is a picture of my nightstand.  Now it's not that I don't clean it, but a few months ago I looked over and realized what I still had laying there, and I couldn't get myself to put it away.  It's an amazing time of reflection and remembrance of where God has taken me over the last 8 months.  You see, those blue pills are naproxen.  I had them out, waiting to take them, sure I needed them, expecting my period back in February.  I had all the "classic" symptoms of AF arriving...cramps, back ache, fatigue, etc.  They had slid under my alarm clock, and I was dusting and found them still laying there...and it took me back.  I praised God in that moment. 

Next, you will see the lovely saltines, a reminder of my first trimester nausea/morning sickness.  I was living in fear at that time.  Fear that something would happen to my baby, fear that I would wake up from this "dream" and back to the reality of IF.

But here I am...34 weeks pregnant.  God has taken care of me...God has remembered me, and I choose to leave these items out for now to remind ME of my journey...to remind ME that God has always had a plan and that I still need to trust him in ALL things.  How could I not?  Look at the picture and tell me how I could forget or not believe...God is good!

Insomnia!

A few weeks ago I kept telling everyone how hard sleep deprivation will hard be on me cause I need 10 hours of sleep a night....well...God is proving me wrong! I'm finding I don't need that much to function, which is good and bad! Bad cause these last 6 weeks will be the best/last of the amazing sleep I love/need. Good, cause I now know I can function on so much less. Two nights ago I was up at 4am for the day (went to bed after 11), and last night I couldn't fall to sleep till 2, then I was up at 6:40...coffee helps (only one cup)! This has been my first real experience with insomnia!

Tomorrow is going to be a fun but longggg day for me. My mom, sister, nieces, and I are going out for the neighborhood rummage sales, FUN! There will be literally 100's of sales that you just walk down the street and stop at, I'm super excited!!! Then, we are having lunch and then family nesting day will start! I invited my parents and my in-laws over to help Dave knock off the long list of things I"d like done before baby comes. Some things like weeding, putting up nursery stickers, potting plants, scrubbing carpet, and washing windows will be getting done. I'm so thankful that our family is willing to come help us out! THEN, after that is my first shower! CRAZY! I'm super excited to be attending a baby shower...for ME!!! Now i'm just praying I can sleep tonight so I'll be ready for the big day ahead!

32 weeks and a big milestone!

This last week Dave took off and we had a nice relaxing vacation at home. We celebrated our 10th Anniversary! It's amazing how fast time flies by and how much we have grown over the years! I'm so thankful for the last 10 yrs that Dave and I have had to build up the foundation of our marriage before having a family...don't get me wrong, I would have loved to have kids sooner, but that wasn't God's plan for us.

On our time off we enjoyed some of our favorite foods/restaruants/bakeries, went mini golfing (where I redemed myself with a hole in one on a terribly hard hole that over 11 yrs ago when Dave and I were dating I got angry and almost ruined our chances of having kids after taking a nice hard swing at the ball with Dave standing straight ahead...sorry honey!), visited the zoo, took some nice walks, and went shopping...oh and we can't forget trying to catch up on sleep! It was crazy to have what seems like our "last" quiet vacation before baby arrives...crazy!

Little guy is moving quite a bit, and it makes my whole belly move! I think he may be head down with his little tootsies poking at my ribs every once in a while. This week has been surprisingly hot, and my ankles have started to swell...man I hope it's cuz the heat...I'm not a fan of this swelling! I know it could be worse, so I'm not complaining, but I've just never seen my feet look so big!

I started purchasing some items to prepare for the hospital and afterwards...it really made me start to slightly panic on getting everything together cause he could be here in seven weeks! I just need to start making a list and start crossing things off so I don't feel too overwhelmed.

Dave took some pics of me this week since I wanted to have some maternity pictures before I got too huge, and he did a great job! I posted my favorite down below. We're looking to have some pics of the both of us taken soon.

30 Weeks, Oh my!

Wow, where has the time gone?? It's been 7 weeks since my last update! I can't believe how fast this summer has gone by. It's been a hot one, but I won't complain...we thankfully have an air conditioner. The last month we've celebrated birthdays, worked on projects around the house, and got to register for our upcoming showers. Starting mid-September, I'll be having 3 showers, each one week apart. I still can't believe people are planning a shower for ME!

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, we had childbirth classes in there too. They were very helpful. The teachers were awesome, both work on the birthing floor and you can tell they love what they do. They were VERY honest as well, which I can appreciate!! I've pretty much decided I'll take any drug I can get. I'm not trying to be a superwoman or anything. I've been praying for a pain free labor, and I'll take an answer to that prayer in ANY form! Dave and I kept looking at each other as we were touring the birthing center, like "is this really happening to US?" We never thought we'd get to experience this, and here we are...God is so good!

I also got a new camera!! I love it!! A cool thing I got with it is an eye fi memory card that hooks up to your wireless network at home, so after taking pics, I turn the camera on at home and it automatically downloads all pics and video to my computer!!! LOVE IT!!!

This past weekend Dave put up some clotheslines for me. I got to pre-wash all my cloth diapers!!! I was so excited I forgot to add some...twice! I kept leaving some in the drawer...pg. brain! Yikes! I loved just looking at those pretty diapers hanging on the line!

So, this week I'm 30 weeks...10 weeks to go...WOW! I've been feeling pretty good. Acid reflex/indigestion happens on and off, I'm getting more tired again (like 1st trimester), and I've noticed more braxton hicks if I don't rest and drink enough. I had some cramping and pressure also, so I called in to make sure all was good. They thought it was normal, but if they occur more than 5-6 times an hour for a couple hours to call in again. It got me pretty shaken up...he's still has some bakin' time left!!

Little guy is pretty mellow. I keep asking others if there was a correlation between how their children acted in the womb and outside the womb! If that's the case, I've got one mellow fellow! I can now notice hiccups...cute! I've gained 21 lbs so far...not bad, but I got a bit scared a couple appts ago when I gained 8 lbs in 4 weeks...oops!!!

So, that's my update for now, below are some pics!

Camping at 23 weeks

A couple weeks ago, Dave and I went on a nice week long camping trip. The weather was amazing and we had such a relaxing and refreshing time. It's amazing how busy life can get, and how good it can feel when you can take a little time to kick back and enjoy the time God has given us. Below are some pics from the trip. This was the extent of my creativity, standing by site 23 when I turned 23 weeks!











I was out grocery shopping before we left camping and got my first "comment". I was picking out produce on one side of the produce wrack, and a guy in his 40-50's was on the opposite side of the wrack. It was cold at the time so I had on a t-shirt and a jacket. He commented that pretty soon I won't be shopping alone. I said, yep. He then asked when I was due, and I said November 1st. He's like "NOVEMBER!! YOU ARE HUGE! Are you carrying twins or something??" I was like...No, just one...and he then went on to say that this must be my first cause he could see the sparkle in my eyes when talking about it, said good luck, and walked away. I smiled and looked around to see if anyone else heard what this "friendly" man had just said to me. I had to laugh, I mean, really?? I wanted to say, really, I'm not even wearing maternity clothes right now, and my capri's are even buttoned, thank you! But, in the end, I just had to laugh at how strangers need to comment, and then be thankful that I have an opportunity to get HUGE. I never thought I'd be given this gift, and I know of many many women out there who would love to be called huge in public because God blessed their womb. I'm sure this will be the first of many "comments" or "adivse"!

A few days after we got back, I had another dr appt. All went well, his heartbeat was in the mid/high 150's and my belly is measuring where it should be. I gained 3 lbs since the last appt, bringing it to a total of 12. Next appt, I have my 1 hour glucose test and my ob will be talking to me about pre term labor. Praying I will not experience that, but the info will be good!

It's been HOT lately!! Not complaining, but I've been noticing more braxton hicks lately and a little less movement from little man. I'm thinking I need to drink some more water and make sure to take it easy. I am very thankful though that I have not had any swelling, praise God!!! I'm not uncomfortable, yet, in the heat.

So, that's my update...I'm 25 weeks today, all glory to God!

The Revealing Party

On Father's Day we had our big reveal party. We had everyone come in either blue or pink, whatever they thought baby was. We had a great walking taco bar and then the crowd grew restless to find out. I started out talking about our journey, and sometimes it felt like a race. We had to keep the faith that God had a plan, etc...which of coarse I was crying through. Then Dave announced that to find out the baby's gender, the would have to run a race to, the "Amazing Baby Race".

We split the group in two and had challenges they had to complete to get the clue to find their balloon somewhere within a couple miles. The clue gave driving directions, but at each turn, they had to answer a trivia question to figure out whether they should take a right or left. If they got all the trivia right, it would lead them right to the balloon...but if they even got one wrong, it would send them on the wrong path and they'd have to backtrack and figure out which one they got wrong. There were 3 challenges (washer toss into banana outline...baby was size of banana then), dart throw with them having to guess our due date and then get the darts in the according numbers (11, 1, and 11 again), and finally ladder ball where they had to guess the day of the month in February where we found out we were pg (25) and then throw 25 pts exact. There were 3 clues to lead them to balloons, and we had a finish line at the end. The first team to arrive got to pick their "final" guess and pick the pink or blue balloon. The first team arrived but got a time delay penalty for speeding! Then, we gave a wrap up of how what they experienced during the race was a lot like we did with infertility, excitement (with new treatment), frustration, not knowing what path to take, and wanting to give up. We each grabbed a balloon (me pink, Dave blue) we held them up, and popped them. We stuffed the balloons with confetti that said "It's a Boy", and was blue. So confetti flew and they were all excited to see the blue on the ground!

IT'S A....

BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you tell I (we) are excited?? We both had a feeling it was a boy (as well with MANY others), but it was so exciting to hear it told to us! The u/s was amazing, lasting an hour. Baby had his butt squished in the corner the whole time, but thankfully they could still see. We have great pics in 4D of baby with his legs in the air (almost touching his nose), and his arms are wrapped around his legs holding them up! What a little goof ball! It was an amazing opportunity to see into the "hidden place" where God is creating our baby. We also got a beautiful (or should I say handsome) face shot in 4D where he's smiling...man this little guy is already melting his momma's heart.

I find I have more of a connection now that I know what we are having. We call him by name, which is sooo great to hear..but we need to be careful cause we're going to leave the name a surprise till he arrives.

Speaking of surprises, It's super super hard to keep a secret that our miracle is a BOY! We are having a revealing party for our family on Father's Day, so I'm trying to stay quiet till then! I'm excited to post how that goes and some pics! HE will be the first grandson on both sides! It's amazing that God would still allow me to experience a first...even after so long. I have two nieces, so having a boy will be really different for my family.

We did have a very humbling experience as we were leaving from our appt. with the doctor. A nurse practitioner went into the dr's office and told her that the u/s she just did showed a non viable pregnancy. My heart dropped. Here we are celebrating our miracle, as someone else is going to get news that their baby didn't make it. It made me think, who am I that I get this blessing? It also made me realise how much of a precious gift I've been given...every day with this baby is a gift from above, and I need to make sure I don't take it for granted!

We have Movement!

I am 18 weeks today, crazy! A couple weeks ago I started getting lots of questions wondering if I felt any movement yet. I was like...no...I wasn't worried, but hoping it would happen soon. The day I turned 17 weeks I got into bed and all of a sudden started feeling something...wait, it was baby moving!! Since then, I felt them on and off, and more often the last few days. I love it! I can't wait until hubby can feel them move as well!

I can still fit into some pre-pregnancy pants and most shirts. My bel.la band really helps with dress pants! It was quite funny, for pj's, I have one tank top that is not as long as they make them now...and I put it on and it made Dave and I laugh! I think it shrunk in the wash (ok...most of my pj's look like that). It really really makes my bump look big and the shirt too small...I joke that one morning Dave may need to cut me out of it!

I always thought I'd hate it when people would touch my belly, but I guess I'm just so giddy that I'm actually pg, that I don't mind at all! Touch it, it may never happen again, is what I'm thinking! I'm really enjoying this part of pregnancy and weeks are flying by too fast! Slow down so I can take it all in!

In two weeks, we hopefully should find out if they are a girl or a boy! We're excited to see little baby, it's been way too long!!

That's a little update on what's been going on around here!

Not so "squishy" anymore

I can't believe I'm 15 weeks already. I remember looking at others tickers and they were at 10,12,14,16weeks and I was like, I can't wait to get to that point. Now that I'm in the second trimester I find myself a little more calm and enjoying the moments.

On Monday I had my 16 week appt. I've gained 4 lbs so far this pregnancy. It took forever to find the heartbeat, which started to freak me out...but the nurse said that their was a lot of movement going on in there (I was hoping it wasn't my lunch!) She then found him/her and she said they were moving like crazy! Heartbeat was strong in the 150s. I got to ask a lot of questions and then we were on our way to make our 20 week u/s appt. 20 weeks!!!! CRAZY! I can't be half way done yet, I'm just starting to enjoy this! A few more weeks and we'll hopefully know if it's a him or a her!!

I'm starting to pop out a little bit more, and it was so cute last night my hubby hugged me and said, you don't feel squishy anymore! He meant that my belly is getting hard and when we hug, there is a stopping point now. I laughed and was like, so I was squishy?? I knew that's not what he meant, but got a good laugh out of it. Baby's starting to get bigger and take up more room I guess! Can't wait to feel them move!

I had a nice Mother's Day. The day was kinda surreal to me. I've struggled with this "holiday" for the last 7 yrs. Dave gave me a very nice card which made me cry (and probably was the reason we were late to church). A few more friends at church found out the news and they were so excited for us. It's so neat to have a church body that can rejoice with you knowing how long this was prayed for. A couple actually cried (which of coarse made me tear up). One in particular is our pastor's mom. The first time I met her was about 4 yrs ago. She came to the service and afterwards I introduced myself. She asked how long we've been married, how many kids, etc. I didn't tell her we were trying, but she got it and said, I'm going to pray for you. Well, I saw her on Sunday and she said that on Saturday she was going through our church directory (she doesn't even go to our church) and she came upon us and prayed for us "that God would give this young couple a baby". Someone walked by and told me congratulations. She asked, what are they congratulating you for, and I said I'm pg! and she started crying. She asked if I remembered the first time we met and how she said she would pray for us and how she has been. My mom and dad were there and of coarse I was crying, my mom, and even my dad was tearing up, it was awesome!

God is so good and so faithful...he has been during this long hard journey.

Patriarchs

God's timing is amazing. In the beginning of February I knew I needed to have a more detailed plan of reading God's Word. I didn't want to keep jumping around anymore. So, I decided to start in the beginning with Genesis and read a few chapters a day, plus one psalm a day. God has so many amazing miracles and promises in this book...I never knew at that time that he was creating one within me as well.

As I read, something stuck out to me more than before, how God brings infertility into the Bible over and over again in the first book. Then I noticed WHO was dealing with infertility. Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, and Jacob and Rachel. These 3 men are patriarchs of the Bible. These 3 men are the beginning of Jesus's lineage! How crazy is it that God uses 3 couples in the very beginning to deal with infertility, and yet has the Messiah come through this genealogy?

It struck me that infertility wasn't an afterthought of God...he planned it and used it for his glory! It made me feel special. I was never forgotten, I was picked out to bring glory to Him through it all. I pray that I take the opportunities God places in front of me to share how God has been there for me through my struggles with IF and how he has blessed me through my journey. After all, God didn't leave IF out of the Bible, why should I leave it out of my testimony?

All the news

I guess we'll start with the sad news, Dave's grandma passed away late Saturday night. It's sad cause he no longer has any grandparents alive. But, we are thankful for the opportunities God gave, and Dave accepted, to take time with his grandma to keep sharing the gospel. He had a neat "God moment" with her in the hospital a couple weeks ago and we pray that she accepted Him as her savior.

On to other news...I popped this week! Yikes, it was sooo hard to find something to wear for Easter Sunday that didn't show my bump! I'm thankful I found a tank top that would work, plus gotta love my bel.la band!

Now to one of the "surprises"...After church we headed up to my parents for Easter lunch. My nieces found their eggs and were opening them up for the goodies inside while the whole fam watched. When they were done, my dad was going to make a break for it, but I said, come back here, I have a surprise I want to share. I then said, God has matched us with our baby (yes, I was already crying)! I got lots of tears to go with mine, then the questions lined up just as I was hoping (to play it out a bit). First my mom was upset cause she said, I knew it, you're getting your baby next week aren't you! They are going to Mexico and her biggest fear was missing out on the baby homecoming! She keep going on and on, and then my sis was like, when is the mom due, and I said November 1st. They were all crying and hugging me and so excited for us. Then I slipped in, "except I'm the mom" and it took a couple seconds then it sunk in and WHATTTT, and cue loud crying and hugging and questions and disbelief!! It went perfect! My poor nieces were a little confused though, my sis had to explain that Auntie Amber is pg and having a baby...they were like so your having a baby and adopting? We were like, well for now we are just having a baby, then we'll see where God brings us. The rest of the day I got to spill what has been happening the last 12 weeks and show pics and ask Q's. My dad was like, now I can take a few different puzzle pieces and start putting together what's been going on! My mom said last week she noticed my belly a little bit, but said she never would have asked me cause she knew it would have hurt me. So, we had a great time with them and look forward to sharing with Dave's parents on Tuesday night (they could use some good news after mil's' mom passing).

I saved the best news for last...Jesus is risen, He is risen indeed! I really had it on my heart that this day was to focus on HIM and what HE did for me, not all that was going on. As Dave said before bed, in the last 24 hours we experienced death, life, and the resurrection, what a day!

12 weeks!

Wow, it seems like the past few weeks have flown by. I think it's because I've finally realized that I AM pregnant. It sunk in and I'm starting to enjoy it (I think it helps that the nausea and m/s has gotten better!) I think I popped a little bit! In the evening I look huge, but come morning, I "flatten" out a bit. I'm guessing it's normal for now (bloating!) My pants definitely get tighter as the day goes on!

Another mile marker is today is my first day of not taking any progesterone. I always thought I'd be SUPER stressed about this day, but I'm not. I'm more relieved to be done! I also feel that God has brought me this far and I think I've finally put my trust in God that He created this child and He is in control of his/her life and number of days. I have NOOOO control, and I'm finding more peace with this!

Dave is so excited to tell people...okay...I should rephrase that, he is so excited he's telling at least someone everyday!! The difference is, the people he's telling aren't really close to us, or don't have any connections to our close friends or family. He's so giddy! I was DYING to talk to SOMEONE a few weeks ago, but he insisted we wait till 12 weeks. I LOVE his excitement!

So Sunday, Monday and Tuesday will be big days. Dave is booking these days with telling people, it's like he can't hold it in past Tuesday or he'll bust!! I can't believe it's Wednesday...4 more days till the big news is out! I'm excited to post about it!

Sweet Sounds

Today we had our 12 week appt. We had to bump it up a week since my new ob is off next week. It was a great appt!! First off, I really really like my new ob. She was very confident and took her time to talk to me and answer my questions. I get to go off of progesterone in 5 days, yeah!!! Then, the magical time came, when she pulled out the doppler. It took a little bit, but there it was, our beautiful baby's perfect heartbeat beating away for Dave and I to hear! AWESOME! It was the first time we got to hear it, and I'm in love! It was 158-163bpm. So, all looks good, and I go back in for our 16wk appt on May 9th...the day after Mother's Day! Who would have imagined last year where we are at now?! Now, we get to start sharing the news of our miracle at Easter dinner! Yeah! God is so good!

Struggling with words

I've been struggling with what to post lately. I find myself wanting to protect those who were like me and had a hard time reading blogs when someone got pg. I struggle with being honest with my challenges, cause honestly, who am I to "complain". There are many women who would love to be in my shoes. But at the same time, I want to be real. I don't want to hide my emotions. What if there is someone else out there that is feeling the same way and wondering if anyone else is too?? So, I just wanted to say that I may be posting more about my thoughts and feelings with pregnancy. I understand if there are some of you that can not follow my blog at this time because of it, I've been there, and totally understand. Just know that I am praying for you...that God would give you the desires of your heart.

I am at 10 wks already! I say already, but it feels like an eternity since we found out. This is the week my emotions hit me! I actually read about this a few days before and laughed thinking, whew, glad I don't have that!! HA! WAM, they're here! I got a cold that has lasted a couple weeks, and the whole cough thing hasn't helped the m/s, but for right now, it has been getting better. I've been feeling "twinges" off and on, especially yesterday, and I can say that it freaks me out! Fear starts coming in, and I start to lose some trust.

This has been my battle. I never knew how much fear I'd have during pregnancy. It's sad. It's my daily prayer that God would help my unbelief and give me the strength to trust Him and have faith. I need to daily die to myself and give over my control into the hands of my creator, and also the creator of our little miracle! To make this pg. more "real" I went to the library and checked out a couple pregnancy books. This helped me to focus on the fact I'm pregnant (still hasn't fully sunk in) and to give me joy in what is going on. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm excited!!!! But, I also think I am trying to protect myself from getting hurt. I am a work in progress!

I got my 12 wk appt bumped up a couple weeks (so it's at 11 wks now, it was at 13 wks) cause of hubby's work schedule. We go in next Thursday for a tummy check and I believe a doppler! We were both excited to get it bumped up because we'd like to tell family (yah....NOBODY knows!!) around Easter, and we'd both feel better knowing for sure things are ok. This appt is also with our new ob, so we're excited to see how it goes!

Sometimes I wish I had the faith of those women in the Bible who were barren, then blessed with a child. There was no blood tests, dopplers, or ultrasounds to keep scheduling to make sure everything was ok (don't get me wrong I LOVE being given the thumbs up that all is good.) They probably had way more faith in the Lord that he brought them to that point for a reason and had that trust that I desire to have. I need to take a step back, realize the amazing blessing I've been given, and just trust...period.

9 weeks!

I had my appt with the nurse practitioner today. It was a great appt! She took a lot of time to talk and make sure all my questions were answered, finally!! The funny thing was after seeing baby on the u/s, hubs and I were speechless and couldn't think of any questions! Baby looks great, measuring 9wks 3day, where as I'm actually 8wks 6days. Man do they grow fast! S/he looked huge compared to two weeks ago! Plus I finally got to see the heart beating and we got to see them wiggle around a bit too! Afterwards, Dave said after seeing the u/s, he couldn't quit smiling!!! OHHH!

We got to pick our dr, and with her help, we got matched with one I think will work great for us! I am suppose to go in in 3 wks, but that is the week before Easter, and she is on vaca, so we couldn't get in until April 29th!! YIKES! That's 4.5 weeks of not seeing an u/s! Plus, we were hoping to have an appt before Easter so we could tell family. The NP said baby looks great and we are safe to tell now, but understands if we want to wait till 12 weeks. So, we'll see what happens...I'm tempted to call and see if the 13th would work instead...

We got to walk out with a bag of "goodies" that I've always watched people leave with for the last seven years. Now it was our turn...still unbelievable! I've got a lot of reading to do, but I look forward to having some material now to read! We are still in a state of shock, but as we keep seeing this little Easter Egg get bigger and bigger, the reality of the situation keeps getting more real!

This weekend I even made some first purchases. I got a bella band and a maternity top! It's kinda crazy to be buying stuff for ME!

All the glory goes to God, this is ALL Him!

Having to let go

Last Friday I had a hard call I had to make. I had to call our adoption agency and let them know what was going on. It took me a few weeks to actually be able to call without breaking down on the phone. They, of coarse, were very excited for us and said they will put our file away and store it just in case we decide to adopt in the future. It was like the take away! I was like, NO, don't store it!!! But, I've learned that I need to let this go right now. God has brought me to a new place where I can only focus on where I am at today, and today, I'm pregnant. I can't try to figure out what we will do a year from now (regarding adoption) because I've learned I have NOOO clue where God is leading us, except in His perfect plan for us.

It's so hard now when people ask how the adoption process is going...we aren't telling anyone yet about our miracle. I've learned to respond by saying that God is teaching me that He is in control and His timing is perfect in everything, which is so true!

One step at a time, and one day at a time!

The Greatest Birthday Gift Ever!

Today I turn the big 31! I remember after I turned 30, I knew right away that I would love my 30's. God had given me so much peace about my life and my future. I was able to leave the hard 20's behind. I feel more confident in who I am in my 30's as well, to be more specific, I know more of who I am in Christ.

So, what could be the best birthday gift and who has given it?? Today, God gave me the most amazing gift on my birthday, he showed Dave and I our baby's heartbeat!!!

Our baby is measuring 6w6d (I guess this is right on track) and has a strong heartbeat!!!! From my angle, I saw the heart, but didn't see it flashing, but Dave got to see it beating away! It's so amazing to see something so small, yet so complex...after seeing that, I don't know how anyone can say their isn't a God!

Thank you for all your prayers, they mean so much. I am in prayer for all of you and the journey that God has you on! Blessings!

Sometimes I avoid it...

Recently, a friend of mine gave me a great book to read called "Choosing to See" by Mary Beth Chapman. They told me it was a tear jerker, but a great book, and I had to read it. For some reason, I put it off. Probably the same reason why I always ask someone who tells me of a good movie, "is it sad?". For some reason, I fear sadness. I don't want to go there. Maybe I feel a little self pity. I've been crying a lot of tears the last 7 yrs, so why would I choose to put myself in that situation on purpose??

Well, the last two days, I picked up the book and had a hard time putting it down. Granted, I cried and sobbed for about 3/4 of it, but it was worth it. I realized through reading this book, that God and truth are often found most through our sadness. Mary Beth was so honest about her feelings and about her faith. This tragedy rocked her whole family, but to read their response to it, was amazing. I want myself and my family so bathed in truth in who God is and why he came, that in the mist of a tragedy, we will not only pull through it, but come through stronger because of the Lord. That in everything, it will be to the glory of God.

This book helped remind me that struggles will always be here, some pain may last forever, and we may never get the answers we feel we need...but oh how we can choose to see Him in spite of it all.

I am so thankful I read this book, it has helped challenge me to SEE things in my own life. I highly recommend reading it, but I also recommend a few kleenex too!

Trying to still take it all in

"Am I going to feel like this forever?" is a common thought that goes through my head. I laugh when a week ago I would worry when I didn't "feel" pregnant that something was wrong. I was sure if I felt more symptoms, it would be more real. BAM, you get what you ask for!

Let me start out by saying that I am thankful for this amazing blessing. I love seeing my hubby so excited about it as well. We are still in shock and trying to figure out where God may be leading us. It seems like there are so many unanswered questions right now. We had another adoption support mtg last night, and our hearts are still for adoption (how could they not with the cute 2 yr old from the Philippines wanting you to hold him!!!) We are wondering if God is calling us to adopt internationally. But, those decisions will be made not now, but after some intense prayer of searching for where God is leading us! I'm trying to tell myself, one step at a time.

On the home front, I'll be honest and say I feel like junk. In all my gassy, nauseated, exhausted, no appetite but constantly hungry, strong sniffer ways, I can find it hard in my day to be thankful I feel this way...I never thought I'd feel this junky when I got pg. I thought I'd have a couple light symptoms and I'd be on cloud nine. I think I had fairytale thoughts on what pregnancy would be like. I will say, that I'm sure my attitude will change once we see this little one's heart beat next Monday. I have to keep reminding myself that this is a miracle and to enjoy this time, because I may never experience another pregnancy after this one. So, my prayers focus on my little miracle, my attitude today, and thankfulness that I don't have to question if I feel pg or not!

Who am I?

The other day I was listening to the radio and I caught a chorus of a song, and it humbled me and brought me to tears. All during my IF struggle I held onto the amazing miracles that God preformed in the Bible, especially those that he opened wombs. In almost every infertility situation, the Bible said, "and God remembered _____". My prayers were always, God, please remember me!!!

So, when I heard this song by Kutless, I realized that God answered that prayer. He remembered me. But, as the song goes, who am I, that you would remember me?? That's how I feel right now...who am I?? Below is their video with lyrics, enjoy!

Oh Boy!!

Ohhhhh...what a week. Where to start. Warning: This may be a LONG post! I guess I'll start with last week. I was expecting my period anywhere from 2 Friday's ago (the 18th)to mid last week. I don't keep track of my cycle anymore, so I just had a good guesstimate when I'd need to be prepared for AF to arrive. I had lower back pain and cramping 2 Friday's ago, which is SOOO typical AF symptoms. I was ready with protection the next few days. Nothing. Now comes Wednesday, and I'm like, hmmm, I think I was at day 30 and that's not uncommon. The longest I've gone is 33 days. But for some reason, I went THERE. The "what if" Q's starting popping into my head, but they were different than before. Now I was worried I was pg. But, I was like, we'll just wait and see. Well, Thursday came around and after I wiped I saw mucus (sorry tmi) but I'm normally looking for blood! Hmmm...I was also getting hungry more often. Thursday I really started to panic. I said nothing to dh, I mean why?? Why go there and bring up past hurts and feelings, after all, we've moved on! I started to get angry and frustrated. Finally Friday morning I got up early while dh was doing a Bible study. I was determined to take a test I had in my drawer that I bought 2 years ago not to prove I was pg, but to prove I wasn't so I could let my mind relax! So, I actually had to read the directions to see what to do since it's been so long! I took it and I set it down and finished up and looked at it (knowing it said it takes 3 minutes) and it was positive IMMEDIATELY! OHHHH BOYYYY!

I wish I could say I was ecstatic, joyful and felt blessed, but I didn't. I was frustrated and upset. How could this happen NOW, 7 yrs later, and 4 months after God completely took this desire away?? How could this happen now that we have a passion for adoption?? So, I was loudly sobbing as I took out the test to poor hubby. He was praying and I loudly interrupted with by sobs. He looked at me and later told me he thought someone died. I handed him the positive stick and somehow got out "I think I'm pg." He just stared at me in complete shock. We were silent for a long time hugging. He said, how do these tests work, is it true? I said I don't know what this thing means, I've never seen one! I went upstairs to call my dr (who's nurse was really excited!!) and poor hubby went to work waiting to hear what the results were from the doctor. He was like a deer in the headlights, dazed and confused (as was I!).

So, my beta was 2269 (I found this out today, 3 days later...I heard 269) and progesterone was 20.7. I got the call, "You are definitely pregnant." I was like OHHHHHH. I wish I could say at that time I was excited, I was stressed out! What do we do about our home study, what do we do about the profile I just started scrapbooking the day before? What about my last post where we are attending a adoption support group?

Friday and Saturday a lot of tears were shed on my behalf. I had to grieve the child I thought I'd be adopting in the next year. I had to let go of my plans for the next month. I felt convicted and needed to open my heart up to this baby that God created in my womb, even if it meant it would cause me pain (not knowing now if we'd carry it full term). I think I had such a hard time because I HATE that I'm the cliche. I HURT because of how we may be used by insensitive people as the example of "just relax" or "just adopt and you'll get pg". I HURT for those struggling with IF and/or are waiting to adopt. I feel I am the enemy. But, God has put on my heart to be an advocate that God did this. We did not "just relax" or "just adopt" to get us here. It was ALL God. We will make sure to let others know this and to tell them how much it hurts when people say these things.

One funny, almost a tmi thing I'll share, but it is the year of the packer like I posted before! Lets just say my hubby will always remember the day our child was conceived...men never forget the date that their team won the superbowl!!!! We had a GREAT laugh over this!

So, just as I'm starting to accept what God has been doing, I started to spot last night. It was a small amount and was red. I immediately started progesterone and started to stress. How could God do this to me????? But, my amazing hubby talked to me and prayed for me, and I started to feel better.

This morning I went in and had an u/s and thankfully all is good. We are about 5 weeks 3 days along and we saw the sac and the yoke sac. My ob (that I don't like and will be switching) is "cautiously optimistic" and I go back in 2 weeks on my birthday for another u/s to hopefully see the fetal pole.

That's been my EXTREME whirlwind of emotions and life in the last 3 days. I've had on and off cramping, lot of gas (sorry), not happy intestines, tiredness, and today I started to get a little nausea.

To all those who are still waiting, I am sorry, and I hope I do not cause pain. That is not my desire at all.

I ask for prayer for my hubby, myself, but mostly our baby. Dave will be calling one of the agencies this week to cancel our home study that was SOO hard to schedule and letting her know we are pg. One step at a time! My prayer is that God be glorified through all of this!!


Here's a pic from our first u/s, sorry for the quality!