9 weeks!

I had my appt with the nurse practitioner today. It was a great appt! She took a lot of time to talk and make sure all my questions were answered, finally!! The funny thing was after seeing baby on the u/s, hubs and I were speechless and couldn't think of any questions! Baby looks great, measuring 9wks 3day, where as I'm actually 8wks 6days. Man do they grow fast! S/he looked huge compared to two weeks ago! Plus I finally got to see the heart beating and we got to see them wiggle around a bit too! Afterwards, Dave said after seeing the u/s, he couldn't quit smiling!!! OHHH!

We got to pick our dr, and with her help, we got matched with one I think will work great for us! I am suppose to go in in 3 wks, but that is the week before Easter, and she is on vaca, so we couldn't get in until April 29th!! YIKES! That's 4.5 weeks of not seeing an u/s! Plus, we were hoping to have an appt before Easter so we could tell family. The NP said baby looks great and we are safe to tell now, but understands if we want to wait till 12 weeks. So, we'll see what happens...I'm tempted to call and see if the 13th would work instead...

We got to walk out with a bag of "goodies" that I've always watched people leave with for the last seven years. Now it was our turn...still unbelievable! I've got a lot of reading to do, but I look forward to having some material now to read! We are still in a state of shock, but as we keep seeing this little Easter Egg get bigger and bigger, the reality of the situation keeps getting more real!

This weekend I even made some first purchases. I got a bella band and a maternity top! It's kinda crazy to be buying stuff for ME!

All the glory goes to God, this is ALL Him!

Having to let go

Last Friday I had a hard call I had to make. I had to call our adoption agency and let them know what was going on. It took me a few weeks to actually be able to call without breaking down on the phone. They, of coarse, were very excited for us and said they will put our file away and store it just in case we decide to adopt in the future. It was like the take away! I was like, NO, don't store it!!! But, I've learned that I need to let this go right now. God has brought me to a new place where I can only focus on where I am at today, and today, I'm pregnant. I can't try to figure out what we will do a year from now (regarding adoption) because I've learned I have NOOO clue where God is leading us, except in His perfect plan for us.

It's so hard now when people ask how the adoption process is going...we aren't telling anyone yet about our miracle. I've learned to respond by saying that God is teaching me that He is in control and His timing is perfect in everything, which is so true!

One step at a time, and one day at a time!

The Greatest Birthday Gift Ever!

Today I turn the big 31! I remember after I turned 30, I knew right away that I would love my 30's. God had given me so much peace about my life and my future. I was able to leave the hard 20's behind. I feel more confident in who I am in my 30's as well, to be more specific, I know more of who I am in Christ.

So, what could be the best birthday gift and who has given it?? Today, God gave me the most amazing gift on my birthday, he showed Dave and I our baby's heartbeat!!!

Our baby is measuring 6w6d (I guess this is right on track) and has a strong heartbeat!!!! From my angle, I saw the heart, but didn't see it flashing, but Dave got to see it beating away! It's so amazing to see something so small, yet so complex...after seeing that, I don't know how anyone can say their isn't a God!

Thank you for all your prayers, they mean so much. I am in prayer for all of you and the journey that God has you on! Blessings!

Sometimes I avoid it...

Recently, a friend of mine gave me a great book to read called "Choosing to See" by Mary Beth Chapman. They told me it was a tear jerker, but a great book, and I had to read it. For some reason, I put it off. Probably the same reason why I always ask someone who tells me of a good movie, "is it sad?". For some reason, I fear sadness. I don't want to go there. Maybe I feel a little self pity. I've been crying a lot of tears the last 7 yrs, so why would I choose to put myself in that situation on purpose??

Well, the last two days, I picked up the book and had a hard time putting it down. Granted, I cried and sobbed for about 3/4 of it, but it was worth it. I realized through reading this book, that God and truth are often found most through our sadness. Mary Beth was so honest about her feelings and about her faith. This tragedy rocked her whole family, but to read their response to it, was amazing. I want myself and my family so bathed in truth in who God is and why he came, that in the mist of a tragedy, we will not only pull through it, but come through stronger because of the Lord. That in everything, it will be to the glory of God.

This book helped remind me that struggles will always be here, some pain may last forever, and we may never get the answers we feel we need...but oh how we can choose to see Him in spite of it all.

I am so thankful I read this book, it has helped challenge me to SEE things in my own life. I highly recommend reading it, but I also recommend a few kleenex too!

Trying to still take it all in

"Am I going to feel like this forever?" is a common thought that goes through my head. I laugh when a week ago I would worry when I didn't "feel" pregnant that something was wrong. I was sure if I felt more symptoms, it would be more real. BAM, you get what you ask for!

Let me start out by saying that I am thankful for this amazing blessing. I love seeing my hubby so excited about it as well. We are still in shock and trying to figure out where God may be leading us. It seems like there are so many unanswered questions right now. We had another adoption support mtg last night, and our hearts are still for adoption (how could they not with the cute 2 yr old from the Philippines wanting you to hold him!!!) We are wondering if God is calling us to adopt internationally. But, those decisions will be made not now, but after some intense prayer of searching for where God is leading us! I'm trying to tell myself, one step at a time.

On the home front, I'll be honest and say I feel like junk. In all my gassy, nauseated, exhausted, no appetite but constantly hungry, strong sniffer ways, I can find it hard in my day to be thankful I feel this way...I never thought I'd feel this junky when I got pg. I thought I'd have a couple light symptoms and I'd be on cloud nine. I think I had fairytale thoughts on what pregnancy would be like. I will say, that I'm sure my attitude will change once we see this little one's heart beat next Monday. I have to keep reminding myself that this is a miracle and to enjoy this time, because I may never experience another pregnancy after this one. So, my prayers focus on my little miracle, my attitude today, and thankfulness that I don't have to question if I feel pg or not!

Who am I?

The other day I was listening to the radio and I caught a chorus of a song, and it humbled me and brought me to tears. All during my IF struggle I held onto the amazing miracles that God preformed in the Bible, especially those that he opened wombs. In almost every infertility situation, the Bible said, "and God remembered _____". My prayers were always, God, please remember me!!!

So, when I heard this song by Kutless, I realized that God answered that prayer. He remembered me. But, as the song goes, who am I, that you would remember me?? That's how I feel right now...who am I?? Below is their video with lyrics, enjoy!