Struggling with words

I've been struggling with what to post lately. I find myself wanting to protect those who were like me and had a hard time reading blogs when someone got pg. I struggle with being honest with my challenges, cause honestly, who am I to "complain". There are many women who would love to be in my shoes. But at the same time, I want to be real. I don't want to hide my emotions. What if there is someone else out there that is feeling the same way and wondering if anyone else is too?? So, I just wanted to say that I may be posting more about my thoughts and feelings with pregnancy. I understand if there are some of you that can not follow my blog at this time because of it, I've been there, and totally understand. Just know that I am praying for you...that God would give you the desires of your heart.

I am at 10 wks already! I say already, but it feels like an eternity since we found out. This is the week my emotions hit me! I actually read about this a few days before and laughed thinking, whew, glad I don't have that!! HA! WAM, they're here! I got a cold that has lasted a couple weeks, and the whole cough thing hasn't helped the m/s, but for right now, it has been getting better. I've been feeling "twinges" off and on, especially yesterday, and I can say that it freaks me out! Fear starts coming in, and I start to lose some trust.

This has been my battle. I never knew how much fear I'd have during pregnancy. It's sad. It's my daily prayer that God would help my unbelief and give me the strength to trust Him and have faith. I need to daily die to myself and give over my control into the hands of my creator, and also the creator of our little miracle! To make this pg. more "real" I went to the library and checked out a couple pregnancy books. This helped me to focus on the fact I'm pregnant (still hasn't fully sunk in) and to give me joy in what is going on. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm excited!!!! But, I also think I am trying to protect myself from getting hurt. I am a work in progress!

I got my 12 wk appt bumped up a couple weeks (so it's at 11 wks now, it was at 13 wks) cause of hubby's work schedule. We go in next Thursday for a tummy check and I believe a doppler! We were both excited to get it bumped up because we'd like to tell family (yah....NOBODY knows!!) around Easter, and we'd both feel better knowing for sure things are ok. This appt is also with our new ob, so we're excited to see how it goes!

Sometimes I wish I had the faith of those women in the Bible who were barren, then blessed with a child. There was no blood tests, dopplers, or ultrasounds to keep scheduling to make sure everything was ok (don't get me wrong I LOVE being given the thumbs up that all is good.) They probably had way more faith in the Lord that he brought them to that point for a reason and had that trust that I desire to have. I need to take a step back, realize the amazing blessing I've been given, and just trust...period.