Clarity

Last weekend, Dave and I had an amazing time of prayer. We both spent an hour in prayer, praising, thanking, and seeking the Lord. I have to admit, I was nervous. I was worried that what I felt God telling me would be different than what He told Dave. But, I had to remember, God is a God of clarity, not confusion. After our time apart, we came together to talk about our time in prayer. God's presence was surely here! I feel He was very clear to both of us on a couple subjects. We both felt that God wanted us to wait a little bit to resume treatment. Dave felt to wait until July. We both thought how amazing it is to go before our Creator, seeking his face, and his timing and not knowing what he may tell us!

One of the last things we both prayed about was if this treatment cycle didn't work, do we do more, or do we look into adoption. When I was praying about this, I really felt God saying, don't go there yet...don't worry about those steps, just focus on the one step ahead of you. When I mentioned this to Dave, he had the same answer! It can be so reaffirming when God directs both of you to the same place! It is amazing, we both agreed that if the previous 2 cycles hadn't failed, we probably wouldn't have been seeking God in prayer as much...failure can lead us to our knees so much faster than success. Praying we will continue to stay on our knees during both the ups and downs of our lives.

On a side note, during our small group this week, Dave led the devotion time on servanthood prayer. Seeking his will through prayer, not our own, with humility being the goal. I know the past 5 years my prayers have been more selfish...God, this is the desire of my heart, please bless me with it...stop this pain we're going through...why me?! These prayers are definitely okay...I think we need to be open enough with God to let him know what's on our heart. But, I haven't been seeking his will. If his will isn't for us to have kids, I didn't want it! I wasn't thinking that His plan for me might be better, I felt if it didn't have what I wanted in it, it wasn't better! Thankfully, I have been growing in my relationship with Him, realizing that He LOVES me! His plan isn't to withhold everything good from me, he just has better plans than I've dreamed of!
One of the ladies at the group helped bring me back to focus as well. Her and her husband wanted to adopt (probably 25 yrs ago) and they were on like 25 lists through adoption agencies. They were on a waiting list(of about 300) to get on the waiting list! She was up one night and ended up praying until morning that if it wasn't God's will for them to have a child, that God would take away the desire to be a mother that He had given her. Two days later an adoption agency called her asking if they were open for adopting a Korean baby. They of coarse said YES! I've only prayed this bitterly about taking my desire away. I realized that I need to pray that if it isn't the Lord's will for us to have children, that He would take away the desire that he put in me. I need to be open for His will for my life. I'm taking baby steps in this direction.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2Corinthians 12:9