So what does it feel like to know that I will never go through another IF treatment cycle again?? One word...freedom.
This reaction really surprised me! But, I am a mostly closet IF'er...not because of embarrassment or anything. I just don't feel that people need to be gossiping about me and a major journey in my life.
So, I no longer have to make up excuses why I can't go somewhere when I really have a retrieval, am on bedrest, need b/w, need to take shots, etc. I no longer have to remember what pills/shots to take when. I no longer have to stay away from caffeine.
My life is no longer around an IF schedule. I'm FREE, Dave and I are FREE to be a normal couple again, instead of a pressured IF couple.
So what are a few things I've done with my new freedom??
The first thing I did was have a Coke! I love my coke, and I stayed away from it for a while for obvious reasons...then I had a cappuccino.
I threw away old meds and papers I no longer needed. I also threw out my needle dispensers (they were both almost full).
I took my dog for a long walk today (couldn't do this before cause he is BIG and pulls, and worried that it would cause something bad to happen)
This one is my favorite: I took a long Jacuzzi with a book!! I can count on one hand how many times I've use the jacuzzi in the last five years cause it's a no no for fertility.
I'm also excited to go shopping (sorry Dave!) I've had a stash set aside for over 5 yrs so when I got pg, I could go buy some maternity clothes! Well, now I can go shopping and not worry that I won't be able to wear it for long (cause I'd be pg soon)or if I'll never fit into it again after pg!
I'm excited to get back in shape! I enjoy exercising...it's a stress reliever plus it makes me feel good about myself. It's amazing what 5 yrs of fertility drugs does to your body!!
So, I have to go in tomorrow for another beta, praying it's below 5 so it's negative and we will be able to put all of this behind us and move on. There's another roller coaster calling our name!
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4 comments:
Amber I don't know if it ok to say this but I am going to. I am so excited to follow this next stage of your motherhood journey. I can't wait to read what direction god is taking your family. I just know it's going to be full of joy and love.
Thank you Kristi! I really appreciate all your support, it definately means a lot!!
I'm so impressed with your attitude! I think you handled this with such grace.
I pray the Lord leads you through adoption and you are finally able to become a MOM!
Amber, I came across your blog from a link of Glenna's IF blog. I am so impressed with your attitude and your faith in the midst of a difficult situation. What a glorifying testimony! It is funny how God totally orchestrates life the way He does. I've been struggling with IF for a year and a half. For the last while, I've been really unsure about whether or not IF treatment is what I should be doing or not. Although, there is a part of me that is so scared to. I just want you to know what an amazing encouragement it has been to read through what you have had to say.
I am so excited to see where God takes you.
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