After my recent discussion with our new "past IF now adopting" buddies, I was wondering if we should have told people about our IF as we were going through it. Our friends did, and I was wondering if I should have for some reason as well.
Well, after hearing some comments already about us adopting, I'm glad I didn't! One person's first reaction was, wow, I've known 4 people that have adopted, and they all had terrible experiences. I was like THANK YOU, I really appreciate that boost of confidence! But she then went on to explain that adoption is painful cause we don't give birth and experience that pain that is involved in child birth...so this is our pain to deal with. Nice, thanks. By the way, she has three kids and may have more.
Later, she went on to say the usual comment of hearing of people getting pg with their own child after adopting. I've heard this MANY times, and I'm sure I'll hear it a lot more. My aunt actually has a neat story with this. She got pg. when she was a teenager and had her older sister adopt the baby. After she got married they had a hard time ttc, and she adopted. Two years later she was matched with a baby girl when she found out she was pg. So, it has happened to someone I know. BUT, this is not my intention on adopting. God has put adoption on my heart period.
So, all in all, I'm so glad I didn't tell too many people about our IF. I'm open to sharing as God leads me though. I can't imagine receiving these comments about IF which is a not so happy thing to talk about. It's hard to hear these comments about adoption which is such an exciting thing! It has really taught me to watch what I say and if it doesn't build them up, don't say it at all!
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7 comments:
{{{HUGS}}} I am so sorry that you have had to hear insensitive and ignorant comments. Praying for you and dh as you continue the adoption process and deal with comments.
*hugs* here too! =( I will say that I am open with anyone & everyone about my struggles w/ IF & in my experience it has been a blessing but I whole-heartedly understand what you mean about insensitive comments. I've had my fair share but in the end I think I've had more positive & supportive comments than negative comments.
Good luck! =)
People are so out there sometimes. They don't think before they speak. Sorry about hearing that. Don't shy away from sharing your IF journey completley just because of the handful of rude people out there. You never know who you might touch with your story.
Ugh the comments never stop :( We have been quiet and selective about who we tell and thank goodness. I don't blame you in the least for not telling. And all those stories about going to adopt and afterward getting pg come out sounding like they are negating the adopted child's life. How do they think they know better than God? Don't let those comments deter you from God's plan for your family.
It's crazy the things that people come up with. I think sometimes they say things because they don't know what else to say and they think their "insight" is going to help. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this!
Amber this is your joy and journey you have every right to be excited about it. Frankly some people are just tacky and stupid. If you follow most adoption stories they are beautiful stories and the love is immense. Maybe I have a witchy gene and would respond back with "Really who do you know ended up getting pregnant after adoption." They won't know anyone they are just gossiping.
Again this is your beautiful journey and it's beyond exciting. So shout it from the rooftops we are hear to cheer with you.
The comments do hurt, especially when they come from family who should have your best interest and happiness in mind. I didn't realize everyone heard the same negative comments and stories until Amber posted a blog about what not to say. Some how that makes it easier for me to ignore them.
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